fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
