dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
