well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
