my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
