hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
