The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
