Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
