i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Houston, we have a blender
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
whose ass print is on the piano?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
