he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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