I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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