so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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