If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
