Umm I'm too high to move.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
