so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize