I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
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I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
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Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
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