i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
