i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
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If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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