So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
