my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
