I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
