just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
