I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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