I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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