so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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