btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
