Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
