Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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