ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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