So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
