I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize