There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
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St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
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Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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