Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Never joke about your clitoris.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
