The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
