he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
