I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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