Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
