You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
