well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dear god my vagina.
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