I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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