she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
