So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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