Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
