my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Floor bacon is actually really good
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
