What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
