"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
