Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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