i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
