we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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