apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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