i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
