My girlfriend figured out who you are.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
