Plan B is the new Plan A
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
