you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
