I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
