You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
