Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just invented taco cereal.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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