Will you blow on my dice?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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