She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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