What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
