Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
