you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
