Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
