that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
