So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
