it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
