I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
