Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
