My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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