he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize