Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
