Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
